Sunday, 21 June 2015

ambcholic (adj)

I have realised that I have started ambling round my town in a slightly melancholic manner. I admit that amble and melancholy sound contradictory but if anyone can pull off a contradictory saunter it is me.

I know where it is coming from too - this ambcholic way.

It is the understanding in my bones that it is time for me to move on from Istanbul and yet at the same time I still love her.  I do not love my job though and I feel as if my feet are planted in sand. Liable to sink or simply disappear with a small shift in the wind. I need to stand on rocks again. Find the illusion of stability at least! (For we're not really ever stable any of us, are we ? Our lives can change at the swish of a tail but illusion is necessary. It is what makes us keep on taking that next step.

So now I find myself wandering around Stamboul as I always have with a dance in my step at the way she beguiles me. But  now also  I feel a weight in my toes. My toes that are gentry trying to lead me away.

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