one downward dog

I haven't been to yoga once this year. My yoga teacher has been enquiring as to my whereabouts ( which is very sweet of her) but somehow I just can't face it. I could lie and say it is finances. Well, yes this is true. Yoga classes are expensive for me...but she has offered to help me find a solution with the school ( which is also very sweet of her).

So this leaves me with the truth.

I am afraid! I am afraid to go to class. Right now I feel as if the pieces of my heart are being kept together by the sheer will of my ribs. If I got to yoga, if I open my chest to the sun, I am afraid all the pieces will fall between the cracks and shatter on the ground.

I

At present I am amazed when I make it through another day - somehow. That despite everything, I still seem to breathe. So to actually open my chest up - to let all that light pour into such a dark place - it seems overwhelming.

I know my boyfriend Hafiz would think differently. I am sure if I managed even just one downward dog he would shout from the sky ( or the moon or wherever he is) 'Hallelujah baby!'. And tell me to embrace my grief but never to forget to love love love ...and stretch ...obviously!!