Thursday, 4 April 2013

Finding the ray of light

Today was not a good day. In the morning I had my official observation where my boss sits in the class frantically scribbling down everything I do ( wrong). I hate observations. I am never natural in them and I suddenly do things I would never do in the class normally. And the students are always more difficult too. Not intentionally. I think they get nervous that someone else is in the room too and it just spirals into chaos or even worse into silence. Anyway I really felt today that my class did not reflect how I really teach. I am probably being extra harsh on myself because I am good at that but when I think back over it I can see a trillion things I could have done better.
By the end of the day I had replayed the whole class so many times over in my head I began to feel really depressed. So I decided to walk home from The American Hospital and reflect on the good things that had happened that day. Like the fact that I was even brave enough to try and find my way home using the back streets of Istanbul. And my little mistake with a waiter today when I accidentally said 'I am food' instead of  'I eat.' (That's what happens when you try and teach yourself a language.) I thought about how today was the first time I had eaten  lunch with another teacher and we had a conversation about Star Wars ( Does Chewabacca age in dog years?) and West country Hobbits. I thought about the marmite sandwiches I am going to have tonight. And then when Ii got to the bottom of my street I saw a yoga center and I decided it is time to embrace the downward dog again. I think I am afraid of yoga but I need to open my chest up again. I need to breathe better and open my heart.
I don't necessarily feel much better but at least I walked. At least I tried. I need to get some sort of filter attached to my brain which stops me reflecting on bad things over and over and over again. Or maybe i just need to pat Three-Paw more vigorously.  

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