Christmas wishes

This is the view from my school in Pisa. I mostly teach online but once a week I brave the virus-infested public transport to engage in humanity face-to-face. I prefer teaching online, though. My introverted soul finds it less draining and when I finish class in the evening, I no longer have to plod the cold hills home. Right now my students include nuclear physicist and tribunal judges. I always feel intimidated when I start these course, but I often find that the people in these classes warm to me very soon and we have deeply engaging classes. I enjoy teaching smart people. They challenge me and I challenge them. Christmas is coming, though, and I find this a little more difficult. Obviously, I get them to talk about their plans and hopes for Christmas and they talk about their family reunions and parties with friends. I always beam like the sun as they talk, hoping none of them ask me about my plans because I have none. And mostly, I am OK with this. Students see me as gregarious and probably assume I am very social but I am only really alive and engaging with a few people in my life. This is not on purpose. It is just how I function and always have. It is just only in recent years have I accepted this aspect of myself and I appreciate it. I don't waste my energy on small talk anymore and I prefer to give  my light to those I feel most connected with. That said, I feel a little down this Christmas. Last year with lockdown it was easier somehow. I felt more secure/ most at peace than I do now and it is hard to not feel a little sad. I suppose my hopes for this Christmas are less ambitious, too: that I have hot water in my shower ( unlikely); that my mother feels strong ( inshallah)  and that those I care about, care about me in return.