Shreds

I wonder if there is a word in some language which means not wanting to leave your home and then not wanting to return because that is exactly how I felt today. Three Paw's cancer diagnosis has torn my heart into shreds and when she lies next to me in the morning I never want to leave. Then I go to work and I dread coming home because I know she will be waiting there with a jingle in her bell....and one day she won't.

But not today, I say to myself, not today.

I think it would help if I had any trust in the vets here. I have none with my current one and I plan to see another one on the weekend. Even her somewhat brusque vet in Istanbul now seems like a distant dream.